Big women aren't intimidating

Last week, just before our lunch break, my co-teachers opened a topic about me. They both said that I am intimidating. It started last week when the three of us ate dinner together while waiting for the rush hour at MRT to subside. We were talking while we ate. We were talking about my apparent insecurities and rival issues with my sister. I opened up to Leo because he was a Psychology graduate so I know he could make a constructive analysis about my behavior. It was also the first time the three of us really had a conversation since Leo and I just met before he resigned several months ago. Now he’s back so we are starting to know more about each other. We were talking when a guy sat beside our table. Maybe he was waiting for his companion who was ordering their food. I kept on talking and they were listening. A few moments later, the guy transferred to another table that was a little far from us. Leo said he transferred because I was too loud and he was disturbed. Being me, I didn’t care if he was disturbed or not. This is a free country and we were at a public place so nobody cares what somebody was doing. Then that was the time Leo said I am intimidating.

I never cared about it before but when he told me that (though he is gay), I suddenly become a little anxious. I know I am not an alpha female. I don’t like being the damsel in distress. I only believe in fairytales because of Robin Hood (Is that even a fairy tale?). I am not comfortable with heels and I buy my sneakers at the men’s department. I am absolutely straight but I like men stuff. I think they are pretty cool. Most of the time, people mistake me as lesbian and I can’t blame them.

I like boys (oh! I really like them!) and I am sure of that. Someday I want to meet someone who doesn’t care if I like guy things or if I act like one; someone who shares the idea of watching a basketball game and having dinner after as a romantic first date; someone who doesn’t mind if I eat spaghetti and rice for lunch and If I don’t care how the freaking twister should be eaten; someone who can stand my roaring laughter; someone who doesn’t care if my voice is too big for a girl and if I only comb my hair once every day; someone who will drive my hammer with me in the future; and someone who will break the intimidating barrier and have the guts to tell me “hey, can we play hoops at Timezone one time?”. It’s pretty simple, right? Nothing intimidating in that.