Generation Gap

Five months ago I decided to go on an adventure that my parents won't approve of  - getting a tattoo. It's been a plan since college but it never pushed through due to money matters, mental condition, and indecisiveness regarding the design. One tattoo led to another one and another one and another one. For five months, I managed to get four tattoos. I wouldn't say I got addicted. It's just that the artist was just around the corner since he is my brother's friend.

Having tattoos raised so many issues especially that I am from a very conservative and traditional family who views tattoos as something only rock stars, rebels, and convicts has the right to have one. I had the hard time to  hide my first three because I always wear sleeveless at home. I got busted when they saw my latest one located at my ankle. It's something I couldn't hide anymore and I decided not to hide anymore. That started the never ending arguments with my mother.

I understand it was hard to accept that your eldest daughter got inked without you knowing and you don't have any idea why she did it. Is it her way to rebel against you? Does she belong to some voodoo cult or something?     Is it her way to prove something? Every time she asks me why, I don't answer. I believe she wouldn't understand it at all. The fight would just get longer and longer until I get tired and just give up. You can't win in a fight against your parents because you are just their kid. You don't have any right to fight them at all. Your duty is to obey them. So when I got a tattoo, they felt it was me being disobedient. It was me being being stubborn. It was me being immature. But in reality, it was just me being me. I didn't get a tattoo just because I want to rebel against my parents or to show them how mad I am. It's not like I killed someone or I changed since I had a tattoo. I am still me, for crying out loud. I am  still the clumsy, childish, jolly, and happy-go-lucky kid they raised. I never lost my love for my parents. I never lost me. My mother always thinks about what people might think about me or her as a parent when they see my tattoos. Ok, it's a given that people will talk. People always fucking talk. Parents always worry about such things. They care so much about the society that they sometimes forget to ask about what their children feel.

As a daughter, I let my mom be angry with me because it was the only consolation I can give her after everything I did to myself that she  didn't like. I am ready to be scolded forever for ruining my body. I don't expect her to understand me. I just hope she could accept me. It don't matter if it would take long as long as she could do it. I admit I am not the perfect daughter as people expected me to be since I am the first born. But why do we always have to follow stereotypes? Why can't we live a life the way we want it? 

FAN GIRL FANTASY

I've been waiting for him to come back to the Philippines since last year and on Aug 25, 2011 it came true.

I am not a big fan of Korean pop or their music scene. I've watched an ample of their dramas and liked it. The last one I've seen was Perfect match (Lee Min Ho from Boys Over Flowers was the lead actor). But I've always liked Kim Hyun Joong from way back BOF fever in 2009. I am aware that he came here in June 2009 but at that time, I didn't have the will and eagerness to see him. The liking wasn't that great to make me fuss over the event. I didn't even know what the event was about and who was with him. 

Come December 2010. His latest drama Playful Kiss became available over the internet and I was one of the people who got hooked but the cuteness of the story. It was the Korean adaptation of the Taiwanese drama It Started With The Kiss. after watching it, the craving started and I promised myself that I will kill if he ever comes back. Seven months later, it happened. However, I didn't have full information of the event. All I know he is coming to promote his latest album. 

The day finally came, I decided to left work in the afternoon since his mall event was 6pm. I have hopes that because it was only 3pm I still could get tickets to enter the event venue. My officemates who I came with said I should have didn't come to work that day because a lot of fan might come. True enough, a lot of fan girls came. The tickets was already sold out as early as 11am. It ended up we were watching from the second floor. My fantasy to high five him and see him face to face vanished the moment the album lady said the tickets was sold out already.

He was so dreamy and good looking. I may not had the chance to see him face to face but I felt fulfilled because at last I saw him *fan gir!* He's having a mall tour on December according to his fansite. This time if ever he stops in the Philippines again, I will definitely definitely not gonna let it pass by!

*photo courtesy of fuckyeahhyunjoong.tumblr.com

GOT BACK

My youngest brother took his USTET yesterday and I am more than willing to wait for him for more than four hours to step foot on UST again. Many things had changed, removed, renovated, and improved after a year. I was nostalgic and remembered the things I used to do and  wish I did when I was still a student.

Here are some of the photos I took: 

 The front of the chapel. Impressive!

 It was only one building before. You can only see the University tower when you are sitting infront of the field  but now there's another one. I do not know what is the name of that condo but it is yellow and green.

 It was the first time that I actually saw the Quadri statue. The guy really looked like Piolo Pascual. haha!

The AB building (some students also calls it Commerce building). It now has two way glass for windows! It was one of the crappiest building when I was a student but it was my home for four years. 

 Manong ice cream! Buti nalang andon si manong. Nakakain ulit ako ng dirty ice cream ng UST.

Tinoco Park was also under renovation. 

and of course, the symbol of UST - the Main Building. We used to laugh at freshmen students who did sign of the cross whenever they pass by this building. 

I also visited the old gym that got demolished recently to pave way for a new building. That side of the campus doesn't give me heart burns and butterflies in my stomach anymore when I passed by. It wasn't the same without that gym. Plaza Calderon was quite gloomy now compared to a lively one I know before.

The smell of youth and the excitement of college was really amazing and it made me want to study, learn things in a classroom setup, and be a college student again. College was truly the best time of my life.

Night Road Trips

About two years ago, there was a "To Do List" in the room that's shared by me and my sister. She posted it before 2009 ended and she said it would serve as our motivation for 2010. Here it goes:

1. Find a job

2. Drive the car by ourselves

3. Lose weight.

Obviously I didn't achieve all of them. I got a job. That's all. I could drive but I do not have proper license to drive alone. Did I lose weight? It was the other way around. As for my sister, she achieved 1 and 2. She's still working on 3 by going to the gym at least thrice a week and attend yoga classes. If you ask why won't I do it too, I must tell you that I do not have enough fund. End of conversation.

So last Friday, she picked me up for the first time at my office. We drove home just the two of us. We shared stories about our work, movies, and other stuff in between while enduring the traffic in EDSA. Curses in between because of bad drivers, we wished we could pimp the car so we could act cool on the highways.It wasn't big of a deal for most of people but it was for me. It was the first time we drove home without our dad driving for us. I don't know but I feel fulfilled we were able to do all things we listed.

That drive made me realize how close we are. We shared the same room forever, we almost killed each other, get crazy over some basketball/football players and actors, and we influenced each other with just about everything in this world. I am thankful I have a sister who, for most of the time has bad temper and terrible attitude, rides life with me no matter what. She's the best friend that will eternally scold and mock me until she's satisfied. 

Next time we promised ourselves to go on a longer trip together with our other two brothers, pimped Volvolok, windows rolled down, and T.I's Whatever You Like on the background. 

*more serious stuff soon

** for the record, I have a super annoying person beside me while writing this blog and it makes me so furious. Good thing this entry isn't about my angst over work. If it is, maybe I punched him already

*** now playing: The Script songs

****I am not obliged to answer all the stupid questions this annoying person is asking me. 

Dear You,

                How are you? It's a rainy afternoon. Boy, it's pouring really hard outside. I got flu two days ago because I let myself got wet on the rain. You know me, I don't like using umbrella even though I have one in my bag. Did you see the eclipse? I didn't have the chance to see it though I want to because of this flu I have. It must have been a cool birthday happening for you, right? 

                Because it's raining and when I looked at the calendar it's June 16 already so I thought about you again. It’s been two years since I last saw you. I couldn’t remember how your face looks like. All I can remember is how I feel about you over the past four years. Yes, it’s been that long. Even I couldn’t believe that such feeling could exist this long. I tried my best to forget you. I told myself many times that I should, would, and could get you off my mind but I guess I am really such a stubborn child. I thought I was doing well in the first quarter of the year when I started a diet on you. I totally forgot about you because I was busy thinking about myself and my future until I saw the things that reminded me of you. It doesn’t hurt when I am happy or excited about something or when I am watching dramas or movies of my favorite Japanese actors. But when I am not, the thought of you kills me. So now, I am back on feeling this again. It’s not doing me any good. I became sickly again, began eating too much junk food again, wanting more ice cream again, crying over a romantic movie again, and longing to see you again. It sucks to be in this state once more. I don’t like myself who cries at night over a worthless guy and a rubbish love. I know this feeling won’t reach you cos you are there doing your baller thing and busy being a father and a boyfriend. See, these two are enough reasons to neglect you but this stupid heart won’t follow my mind.

                It’s gonna be a long and hard process. It isn’t easy throwing away something you had for so long especially when it is dear to you heart. I was happy when I loved you back in the day even though it hurt me. I accepted that pain is really a part of loving somebody particularly if it’s an unrequited one. It’s been four years. A lot had changed including your hairstyle when I saw you once in Facebook. My friends are living their lives the way an adult should, we stopped doing crazy things like we did in college, I don’t watch basketball that often anymore, and I finally got inked. The only thing that hasn’t changed is my feelings for you. Maybe it will stay this way for another four years. No one knows what will happen. But I hope I could get past all of this chaotic love stuff soon. I am gonna be better and wouldn’t even remember I had some kinda lame crush on a guy who looked like a toothpick. I know I could do it on my own pace.

                By the way, Happy birthday!  Hope you have a good one and I wish you all the best.

Me

JIN and KAN-KAN mishap

This made a big deal over the internet specifically in Tumblr, Twitter, Livejournal, and Facebook. Many fans ranted (and still ranting as of press time) because of the KAN-KAN incident involving Jin Akanishi. I want to explain everything here but I know I won’t please everybody so here it is.

Jin Akanishi is a former member of the band KAT-TUN as opposed to what was written on the article on our magazine, MOD. My friend, who happened to be the writer of the article, asked me about three months ago if I like an Asian actor or performer specifically not Korean. I was a neophyte fan of KAT-TUN that time so I got excited and answered “Kamenashi Kazuya and Akanishi Jin. They are quite popular in Japan nowadays. You could pick anyone of them.” Days passed and she told me that the article won’t be published so I didn’t ask her more about it. My job for the company is related somehow with the magazine so when I was checking the MAY issue, I was surprised to see the article with Jin’s photo in there. I also noticed the controversial KAN-KAN. I googled in with the thinking that maybe she just mixed KAT-TUN up with another band but I learned KAN-KAN isn’t a band at all. I didn’t make a big issue about it. I was contented that at least Jin was featured in a local magazine since Japanese artists weren’t that hot in the country as compared to Koreans.

I didn’t think that this will make an impact to the KAT-TUN fans in the internet. The editorial and the writer didn’t mean no harm. Honest mistake is not an excuse in this matter but we should not hate. Let’s stop bad-mouthing the editors, the writer, or the magazine. It won’t do any good to us or the boys. I wanna believe that KAT-TUN and Jin’s fans are nice people so let’s stop using foul words on our comments in the internet. Look at the bright side and let’s move on. KAT-TUN is KAT-TUN and you cannot take it away from Jin though he’s going solo now. If there are new fans of Jin, surely they will come across KAT-TUN once they search more about him. KAN-KAN will be just a funny part of it.

If anyone got offended, I am sorry. I deeply apologize for it. We’ll just make sure it won’t happen again in the future. No offense meant. I hope this will get across everybody and clear everything up. We all love Jin and KAT-TUN so I say let’s just get along :)


*Photo courtesy of http://kissmegreen.livejournal.com/78515.html?view=1732531#t1732531

Chickie Buffer

I have mention on my previous post that I am always the go-to guy of my closest friends when they are having relationship troubles. I still have another role in their romantic lives, though. I am always their CHICKIE BUFFER.

What is Chickie Buffer? It is the person in between two other people hugging. It negates the potential for man-touching-man discomfort. (Source: Chasing Liberty, 2004)

The scenario is always like this: Boy meets girl and plans to court her. Girl doesn’t really like boy or she isn’t comfortable being with boy yet. So boy courts her friends first (most likely it will be Maine). Maine will be like their messenger when they cannot say something to each other directly and their chaperon whenever they will go out.

It’s fun to be in between to courting people because you got to enjoy the perks of having to watch a movie for free, eat for free, and be a controlling bitch because the guy couldn’t refuse anything you will ask. However, if you come to think of it, it’s a little bit tiring to be around them all the time. You go out with them but you feel that the guy wants you to vanish; it’s awkward because you hear things you shouldn’t hear; you always have to euphemize the things you are about to say to both parties.

Example scenario:

Girl: I really don’t like him. He’s not my type at all.

Maine: Maybe you should give him a chance. He’s nice and persistent. But it’s up to you if you want to turn him down.

Boy: Do I have a chance?

Maine: Just do your best.

And lastly, because you are always in between, you will most likely also be in that position when things won’t go right. You will feel that it was your fault when they started fighting and stopped talking. This is the most exhausting part of this role. Why do I always have to be in between my friends and their suitors’ affair? But because I couldn’t do anything about it (I can’t bail) and I am such a good friend, I always try to solve the problem.

I thought this will be over once I graduate from college because I assume that we will meet more mature boys in the working world. I am wrong. I still always catch myself in between an unaccommodating girl and a coward boy. 

Road to Dead End.

I checked my Tumblr a few days ago after not being able to for quite sometime and I found this in my archive. I never had a romantic relationship with anybody but I couldn't help but be interested with these kinds of articles I read online. They appeal to me as guide if ever God will let me enter a relationship in the future. They are also helpful to my friends since they run to me whenever they are in a havoc with their boyfriends. It's ironic, right? Seeking advice from an inexperienced creature is like asking me to solve a calculus equation. All the things I tell them are based from the books I read, movies I watch, and other friend's friends experiences. So here it is, one my favorite topics about relationships - BREAKUPS.

5 Signs You’re Headed Toward a Breakup
By Dating coach David Wygant
Updated: Feb 4, 2010

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where the frustration level and the number of times you butt heads with each other seems to increase by the second? You say blue, she says red, and the fights just seem to be going in circles.

If the answer is yes, then you may be at what I call “the breakup point.” Here are five signs that your relationship may be past the point of fixing. Whether you are living together, married, or just dating, these breakup signs are usually loud and clear.

1. You stop relationship - building behaviors. In the honeymoon stage of a relationship, which we all know is the first 90 days of pure bliss, you are learning about each other and making efforts to create romantic moods and nice evenings. When you’re in that stage, you are really working at building your relationship. Then, at some point, you start to butt heads with each other. Critical relationship elements deteriorate. Maybe you stop kissing each other goodbye or stop texting each other during the day. Instead of adding things to the relationship, you start to resent each other like two five-year-olds who stop sharing their crayons. This is a breakup point.

2. You don’t understand each other anymore. The fighting escalates to a place where you no longer feel like you’re understood by your partner. Physical intimacy stops, communication stops, and you are living like roommates. You’re at the point in the relationship where you are trying to understand each other, but you get so frustrated because you feel like you just don’t understand each other anymore. This is a breakup point.

3. You start punishing each other. When you get to the point of no longer understanding each other, what happens is that you end up just kind of coexisting in the new dynamic. Resentment builds and you get in your head too much. You are no longer about feelings, and you start punishing each other. “Well, he hasn’t done this for me, so I’m not going to do this for him” are the kind of thoughts that take root. The longer you stay in that dynamic and the further away you get from the dynamic you had during the early part of the relationship, the less likely it is that you’ll ever get it back (and, after a point, you won’t). You have hit the breakup point.

4. You fight less. When you get to the breakup point, you actually fight less with your partner. You fight less because in your mind and heart you start detaching yourself from the other person, and you don’t care as much anymore. You have already made a determination that they don’t understand you, that they will never understand you, and that the relationship just won’t work out. The minute you get into a fight, you just walk away from it. That is a sure sign that you are at the breakup point.

5. You’ve taken the time to think it through. When you think you might have hit that breakup point, you must tell the person that you’re disconnecting from them. You need to be honest and raw. If you don’t think the relationship is going to work, or you know you’ve already disconnected based on how things have been going, then you might want to consider walking away for a week. When you’re in the thick of things, they never seem to be able to work out.

So take a break. Spend a week without your partner. Take the week to ask yourself some questions. Go visit some friends or family. Really think about what life would be like without that person. How would you feel? Then, go back and either take a stand for the relationship or break up.

Whichever decision you make, you need to be honest with yourself. Life is too short! There are a lot of wonderful, amazing people out there ready to meet you.

EVERY PERSON HAS THEIR OWN VIEWS ON EVERY THING.

AS FOR ME, TATTOOS ARE EXPRESSION OF ONE'S SELF AND SORRY TO TELL YOU BUT YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

Most of the time I don't care if I am gonna be single for the rest of my life. But sometimes I think about how nice it is to have someone who could put up with my crazy mood swings and wouldn't get fed up with my basketball and movies fervor.

Why it doesn't hurt anymore?

It just doesn't.

ANYMORE.

Now playing: Candles by Hey Monday

Wrecked memories

I am usually sentimental when I remember the significant things/places/persons that had come and go into my life. It doesn't matter whether they impacted my life in a big or little way. So when I learned that the old UST gym is being renovated (or maybe will be made into something else. There are rumors before that it will be dormitory for athletes since the new and fancier gym is being built as of the moment), I became (a little) sappy.

It used to look like this

and now..

That old gym was really memorable to me. I met a lot of people there including one of my best friends now, became seriously ridiculous because of my basketball enthusiasm back in the day, watched a basketball game with the people I just met and eventually became my best buddies, and it was where I first saw the person I never thought I’d love this naively. There were a lot of things that happened inside, outside, and beside that place; thousand memories that I looked forward to remember when I get the chance to pass by there again. But sadly, that place isn’t there anymore.

It was crappy, dirty, extremely old, and humid. History was made there (I believe). It was the home of thousand champion athletes that UST made over the years. It was home for me. I will certainly miss that gym.

ANG SAKIT SA BANGS!

Don’t get me wrong about this entry.

My youngest brother joined this beauty pageant called Mr. Teen Earth Philippines which was concluded last Sunday (April 17). He didn’t won. That’s a good thing (for me).

I’ve been with him for most part of the competition and I’ve got to know some of the candidates. Some were really nice and some were just playing nice. I’ve been his all around personal assistant and manager. In short, I was his total bitch for that whole day.

DRESSING ROOM. It was jungle out there. Everyone were panicking because transitions were too fast and we should all get dressed in just a snap. I am no make-up artist so I am always worrying about how he looked with all the foundation I put on his face. It wasn’t that complicated to put make-up on guys unlike on girls. Some of the candidates were really at it, applying various make-up products on their faces. ONLY ON THEIR FACES. So you could imagine now how did they look. Yes, you are right. So when my brother was getting jealous that his competitors’ faces where filled with flour, I just tell him “You are fine. Ayokong maging KPOP ang mukha mo.”

COMPETITION. The winners were deserving to win. I couldn’t complain more. The judges picked the right people to compete internationally. Speaking of the judges, one of the judges was a batch mate of mine back in college. I was surprised when I saw her there.

Ban's Cultural wear courtesy of Olan Roque

The very controversial Azkals inspired sportswear.

Formal wear.

The Winners

Little Mr. and Ms. Teen Earth

Mr. and Ms. Teen Earth (Mr. Teen Earth is Ban's schoolmate)

The whole event was fine with me. I endured everything because my brother was competing. I couldn’t stand everything about beauty contest, not because I envy them, but because I can’t see the essence of it. The host said that “This is not just an event of beauty but also brains.” That, I disagree. Although there are some people who are blessed with not just a beautiful face but also intelligence, there are also people who are just plain beautiful. My brother told me that when they were doing mock question and answer portion during rehearsals, one contestant from Ms. Teen Earth was asked “If an alien came to your house, what will you do?” She answered “I won’t do anything. Thank you.” WHAT WAS THAT?! I assumed she was just tired so she didn’t answer with all her might. Came competition day, her grammar was all over the place. She didn’t even answer the question! Goodness gracious! Thank god she’s really pretty.

Also I discovered something. Texting is now a hobby. While strutting their way on the runway wearing their formal attire, each contestant was described by the host. I am assuming they were asked to write something about themselves before the competition. This same beautiful girl was described as someone whose hobby was texting. Some was described as someone whose motto is “Time is Gold.” Can’t they be more profound than that?!

Even though my brother didn’t win, I am truly proud of him and what he became as a person. He answered the questions wittily and described himself as someone who wants to explore the world and someone who follows God. There were many awful things that happened before and during this pageant but he just shrugged it off. He almost quit but because my mom wanted him to continue, he didn’t. This may sound really mushy but I will say it anyway. For me, my brother was the winner.

P.S. Did I already say this? I don’t want him to win cos another beauty pageant will seriously kill me.

EPISODE 22

I celebrated my birthday (April 5) the usual way: just with my family. My mom and dad just bought pizza and I chipped in 2 half gallons of ice cream to complete our dinner party. It was a double occasion because Ian’s birthday is after mine.

Two thin-crust pizza. I am happy with just this and ice cream :)

What I love about birthdays is that it's a time of the year where you can feel that you mattered and is you are surrounded with people that cares about you. Atleast once a year, I feel I am special with all the warm greeting from my friends, former and current co-workers, and other acquaintances. This year was extra special because I was greeted by my ultimate forever crush via twitter. Thanks to my little sister for granting my only wish :)

Why episode 22? Because it’s been 22 years since I entered this world and I would like to call every year of my life as episodes. Just like a drama series, every person’s life is filled with uncertainties, pain, bliss, highs, and lows. Every chapter is connected with another. You won’t understand the latest episode if you missed the previous one.

Episode 21 was really a roller coaster ride. Let’s see if episode 22 can kick episode 21’s butt.

BANDAGE

Director: Takeshi Kobayashi
Writer: Shunji Iwai (Screenplay), Chika Kan (Novel)
Producer: Shunji Iwai
Release Date: January 16, 2010
Runtime: 119 Min.
Production Company: NTV, Toho, J Storm

Cast:
Jin Akanishi as Natsu Takasugi
Kii Kitano as Asako Suzuki
Kengo Kora as Yukiya
Ayumi Ito as Nobuko Yukari
Yuki Shibamoto as Arumi Suzuhata
Nobuaki Kaneko as Ryuji
Hideyuki Kasahara as Kenji Yamane
Anne as Miharu

I saw this movie last night after waiting for it to download for more than a week. I didn’t realize that all I needed was to get our Bayantel DSL plugged in my laptop instead of Smart Bro to make it download faster. Damn, I hope I realized it last week!

Anyway, this movie is called Bandage. It is a Japanese film that focuses on the up and coming band called LANDS, their journey through stardom, and the personal conflicts of each of the members towards work and love. Set in the 90’s where rock bands were at its height in, this movie perfectly depicts the internal struggles of a band where they meet the pressure of their recording company to come up with a follow-up song to their first hit, the expectations of the people towards them, and the problems that arises when a primadonna lead vocalist unfortunately falls in love with a fan that affects the whole group dynamic. The title of the movie was from the words ”BAND AGE” – which is the nineties. This era was considered as the decade were rock bands were booming in Japan.

I was really impressed with the story and the songs that the band sang in the movie were exceptional. I also loved the part where the band was having problems with Natsu having a girl beside him during rehearsals. It reminded me of a John Lennon and Yoko Ono versus The Other Beatle Members scenario. Takeshi Kobayashi did a good job on directing camera shots and the actors (Akanishi Jin who played Natsu, the lead vocalist of the band, was very realistic in portraying his role as a wasted happy-go-lucky rockstar). However, the editing wasn’t that polished. The scenes and the songs were cut in an awkward manner. The movie was jumping from one year to another but the characters didn’t seem to age. They didn’t bother to change the hairstyle or the way they dress just to show that they are in a different year.

Overall, it was worth watching. You will love how Akanishi Jin registered on the camera and the talents of the other musicians in the movie. Bandage was the best Japanese movie I’ve seen so far (this was just my third, though). If they will be given a chance to re-edit (technical wise) the whole movie, I will bet it could make it big internationally.

Rating: FOUR STARS! :)